What’ll We Do with Grandma

My paternal Grandad had not long departed having suffered a stroke.  I remember visiting him as a child, bed ridden in the front room of the home he had built.  The bricklayer from UK whose houses still stand on the Kapiti Coast and other parts of Horowhenua.  Now Grandma was going walkabout.  The consternation was evident on the face of my Mum and Dad when they received the phone calls that Grandma was again seen wandering aimlessly along State Highway One.

My maternal Grandmother was much younger and sprightlier – although after ten children she had reason to be a little lethargic.  Grandpa had cut his thumb and died from tetanus and whilst ‘nana’ didn’t live with us, our family was certainly the main caregiver.  There was a twenty year gap between these events but I remember them vividly and forty years later watch and listen with concern as families struggle with the ongoing and deteriorating dilemma.

My grandparents died in their seventies having suffered two world wars, the depression, large families, transport limitations (Grandad biked everywhere – and carted the bricks) and minimal medication.  Today, Grandmas and Grandads are living much longer.  Their children are now in their 60s and 70s with Mums and Dads (mostly Mums) requiring – long term care of some kind.

Unfortunately the reality of one or more family members living into their 80s or 90s sooner or later places a burden upon either the state or the younger person in the family who puts their hand up to take responsibility.  Everywhere throughout NZ this is an issue – not because society has decided to ignore its elderly but because there are fewer ‘stay at home Mums’ – and let’s face it – daughters rather than sons usually draw the short straw.  People are working beyond age 65 (over 40% of Wellingtonians are working beyond age 65 and over 20% are still working over age 70).  The reason for this is two fold.

They either want to or need to.  My age group (those born between 1946 and 1964) have not been great savers and investors.  Around 50% will totally rely on National Superannuation ($21,000 p.a. for a couple - $16,000 p.a. single).  Many have no option, they have to work.  So what do they do with Grandma (age 85, goes walkabout, has lost touch mentally or physically).  In some ways it is probably easier if the mind rather than the body has deteriorated – they probably won’t object to the ‘old people’s home’.  But try getting your mother into ‘a home’ when she has her faculties but not her physical capacity.  One look at the room encircled with ‘snowies’ in various stages of dementia is enough to make you consider euthanasia let alone your Mother.

So you get her ‘committed’.  Who remembers to visit.  Well, everyone at first – but eventually the dedicated few.  Grandchildren will find reasons not to attend, men will often delegate the responsibility because ‘it’s not their thing’.  Now – let’s pay the caregivers the minimum wage whilst the rest of us complain about our mortgage interest rates going up, or how few weeks the state will pay us for maternity leave, or how little we get from ‘working income for families’ subsidies, or having to pay interest on our student loan if we go overseas.  Private enterprise is frantically building ‘long term care’ facilities throughout NZ and the state is picking up the tab when the individual’s money runs out.  At $1,000 a week, both family and state capital is being seriously eroded – imagine the escalation in cost if the retirement villages, dementia care facilities or hospitals were to pay care givers $20 an hour!  (Should be double.)

What’s the answer?  I think Gen Y have the answer.  They don’t believe that governments can continue to fund society in the way it does now and therefore they don’t expect to receive National Super (now $10.4 billion p.a.).  They don’t expect to receive entitlements from the state – in fact they think the opposite.  How do they make society a better place – hence sustainability, environmental causes, philanthropy and volunteer service abroad.  I don’t know how it happened but it has.  There might be an element of reverie but I see too much of it (care and concern) and hear so different an attitude to societies ills that I’m convinced that social media has fundamentally altered the course of community.  Gen Y is not addicted to main stream media.  Political spin will not manipulate them to the same extent as my generation or that of my parents.  Google is their encyclopaedia, Facebook their community, Twitter and text their language.

Because of it they will be more self-sufficient and less self-centred and with a willingness to learn – they will prosper.  I hope so, I’m relying on them not to commit ‘Grandad’ when the time comes.

The information provided in this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. You may seek appropriate personalised financial advice from a qualified professional to suit your individual circumstances.